lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize