i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
whose ass print is on the piano?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
