So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I forget how to act sober
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