im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
