I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
