Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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