every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
