Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
