She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
