Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
