I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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