I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize