My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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