is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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