I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
