Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
