How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
