Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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