just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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