I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize