Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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