im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
