the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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