your parents love me but you hate me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
