The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
