She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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