cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
tell me about the eggs
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