I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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