even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
