Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
