The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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