I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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