SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize