Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
