Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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