I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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