Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
