id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
