why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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