Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize