i'm signing you up for texting rehab
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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