brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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