I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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