She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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