Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She bit a glass in half.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
