forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
