Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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