also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
