you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
only if we run a train.
done.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
