i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
