I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
