im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
