saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
