you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
