I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize