You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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