Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
