my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
