a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize