she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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