I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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