A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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