i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
