you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
