she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
