I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
