Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
