Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
