Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
