I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
