Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize